I’ll break up people into six main categories;

1. Yellow people – Cambodians, Chinese, Japanese, Malaysians, etc
2. Black people – Sudanese, Africans, etc
3. Red people – Mediterraneans, etc
4. Brown people – Indians, Sri Lankans, Fijians
5. Off-white people – Lebanese, French, etc
6. White people – British, Americans, etc

Purposely and extremely stereotyping on my part, here is the break down of each of those categories. :P

1) Yellow People:

The Yellow Crowd

Commonly referred to as Asians, or Azns, this group is stereotyped for their petite genetalia. Lately, it was calculated that the average size of the male reproductive organ was not being brought down by the yellow crowd with a few white people opting for surgery to trade-in their 3.5ins – good news for this sub-group. To break up the group into two categories; Asians is a term giving to a particular type of yellow person, and Azns the other type. The main difference is seen in social status, physical and academic ability. Asians tend to have trouble with the English language, be lean and have the best academic results your parents could imagine! Azns tend to be built or toned, with academic ability ranging from sub-par to mediocre. Their social skills are commendable and advantageous when trying to seduce other Azns and usually have a high success rate. Azns generally mix well with brown people or white people only, whereas Asians enjoy a healthy range of intelligent to fucking stupid friends from all colours of the spectrum because of their high usefulness ratio. Yellow people generally mate well with other yellow people and go on to have a long marriage because of similar cultures with a high focus on career (Commerce, Engineering or Medicine), money (Starting salaries of $80k) and either minimalist or excessive commercial consumerism, while bonding over enjoyable acts such as opressing their children.

2) Black people:

The Black Crowd

The motto here is “baby if I give it to you, you give it to me, and then I spread that shit like a virus and give it to everyone”. And no, I’m not talking about AIDS because that is just politically incorrect! I’m talking sex. Black people love their sensuality and sexuality and tend to always look their best. Almost all black males enjoy the shared love of basketball, while the women enjoy a range of activities from shopping to getting over/un-dressed. Intellectual potential within this lot is high as they undertake activities such as smuggling and dealing, however many choose the party life while young, learning to cook only when they approach the age of 26. This group rarely place a foot out of step to the beat and can really hit that shit hard. Stereotyped for the exceptional size of their genitalia, they are in demand all across the globe however find themselves discriminated against in the immigration process because of their alleged tendency towards mindless vandalism and acts of violence and stupidity. High levels of generosity is present within relationships with friends sharing each other’s significant other unknowingly. High phone bills, clothing bills and cost of bailing out loved ones means that the typical black person needs to make the sale for at least $35.70/g or  make their fortune as a model, high profile sporting athlete or a one-hit-wonder dancing/crooning sensation solo or group act. Usually connected well within their own types, the black person could potentially mix well with a white, if they sacrifice their need for the apple bottomed gluteus maximus.

3) Red people:

The Red People

Red people have a freakish orange tan all the time and you can’t always place their descent so we just call them tanned motherfuckers. Usually toned though short, they mix well with Azn females. My advice, stay away from red people as if you’re going to invest your emotions, might as well put it in someone who won’t contract melanoma within the first year of dating. High risk of steroid abuse too!

4) The Brown People:

The IT Crowd

Also working for the basic wage of $6 an hour for MacDonalds, you will usually recognise them as new recruit at the Customer Service team with your phone company and  are contactable at the given 1300 number. Generally preferring to jump the gun and marry online, you will find many brown people accustomed to stare at a computer screen for 15hours straight looking for their future spouse – shaadi.com, MSN, or Orkut are popular for these purposes. With most of them having their first job as a web developer, then progressing onto internet security before going the whole way with a Computer Engineering degree, you will find a few who dare to live the dream and become a General Practitioner. Migrating in hoardes, brown people seek employment in white countries for higher wages and an increased chance of getting laid before marriage. White people beware of the brown male, as he generally seeks a trophy to enhance his micro-social status with numerous Facebook photos before unexpectedly marrying the village girl next door because her dad owns Bangalore and the dowry offer is at $100000. The brown crowd are usually an intelligent lot, however those descending from Fiji have the blunt end of the deal with below average wit. With their passionate yet judgemental outlook on life, you can trust a brown person to burst into song whenever things get too hard, too easy, too happy, too sad..well anything really. Bollywood movies are regarded as actual and realistic journies into everyday lives and are guarded close to the heart. If you don’t know who Abhishek Bachan is, you have no chance with this crowd and I suggest you try elsewhere, unless your dowry offer is more than $100000.

5) Off-White People:

The Off-White Crowd

Off-White people are born to fight the system, and fight the system is what they do. Eventually when they stop fighting the system they take over the family Kebab shop. Usually shirtless, get them while they’re hot, because they have a high risk of incurring fatal injuries such as bullet or stab wounds, dependent on whether they broke the law or slept with their best friend’s baby sister.

6) White People:

The White Crowd

Usually labeled stupid, bouncy and blond, white people love to party and get along with black people fairly well until they start dancing. The white crowd is fairly carefree and averages at least one divorce in their lifetime, with a low tolerance for pain and hardship. Finding themselves a secure job in middle management is the way to go as it always was their choice to study Arts despite being warned. A blank canvas hungry for some culture and security, the white person will latch onto the arm of a coloured partner and live happily ever after for the next 7-9 years before getting bored of sitting at home doing nothing and demanding “space”. Many from this group are also becoming homosexuals as is the latest trend.

And there you have it. But that’s just what I’ve picked up.. yay or nay?!